One thing that irked me this break is I could never predict the behaviors my two would have when we went out with others. One day one would be perfect and the other extra "silly": unable to remain seated, giggling uncontrollably, whining non stop when redirected, fake tantrums for attention... Then the next time the two reverse which one was acting inappropriate while the other was good as gold. I know a lot of the time they are trying to get attention or control, but it is annoying. Especially so when I know they are fully capable of behaving appropriately.
No, they do not act out every time we go out. Just seems that this Christmas break they regressed to old behaviors more frequently than the past 6 months. This was typical the first 6-9 months after their arrival- tantrums, running around, not listening (English or Creole commands), sleep issues (which continue, but are/were getting better), food issues... shall I go on? We have dealt with the inappropriate behaviors, examined and in most cases determined the cause of the behaviors and replaced the inappropriate actions with more acceptable ones. Then addressed the root of the behaviors.
ie: In the beginning S would often tantrum in stores. Not just crying, but ear piercing screams that could break glass and were endless. She could scream for hours without wearing herself out. We determined the causes was her being overwhelmed by all the stimuli. So I took her to the closest exit or restroom and in once case stock room, turned off the lights and held her tightly while comforting her in Creole. Once she settled down- usually a few seconds, she was fine for about ten min- usually enough time to pay for the groceries and head out. She still has issues with a few stores that have bright lights and play fast paced music (like Old Navy), but is fine in stores that play soft music or have less fluorescent lights. So for now, we avoid the stores I know overstimulate her. I've also learned to watch her cues and if she starts to get anxious we immediately leave or go to the restroom to refocus.
We haven't had a major store breakdown in months.... Until this break. Almost every store we went into S had a tantrum to some degree the last two weeks. She even had a tantrum in the non decorated pet store which is usually a treat trip for the girls. I've gotten pretty good at the "Don't but in I am handling this" glare as no one even tried to continue to "help" once I looked at them. But the comments from those close to us bothered me more this break. "Just give her what she wants so she stops."(NO!) "You shouldn't let her get away with that" (I'm not as I am removing her from the area). "Isn't she too old to still be doing that?"-(Well, obviously not- it is happening right now.) Do others not realize their comments just add to the fire? If a child is acting out negatively for attention or control and you give in or they see they can influence someone else to their side they have their audience and will amplify the inappropriate behavior? Please MYOB while I parent my child. If you need to comment, please do so when the children are not around.
Hopefully we will return to our normal now that we are back in our normal routine.
This is not where I planned this post to go, but it is truthful. :)
Next topic? Anyone know how to stop thumb sucking. I'd be better if it was just the thumb sucking, but this one includes body manipulation while ts. She pulls her skin from her neck, belly button, knee, or presses down in her eye socket while ts. I know it is comforting for her, but I'm afraid she'll hurt herself with the manipulations, especially around her eye. I've tried replacement items, talking to her, showing her how her teeth are moving, comforting her with hugs, hand holding, positive reinforcement for not, ignoring.... The ts is the worst when she is tired or nervous, but can and does occur anytime. (She liked the bitter apple and tobasco too. )
Love S' puff ponies in the photo! Your girls are gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about the comments about how to get your child to stop the tantrum. Seriously - no matter how old, they do not know if they have not parented a child with these attention-seeking behaviors and their comments make it worse! I once sat in the car an entire 1 1/2 hours holding my oldest (then 3) while she screamed at the top of her lungs about not getting to open her blue sucker immediately in the middle of church service, which then resulted in not getting a cookie and lemonade after church and also not getting to go to Sunday school class and get the snack there. And it was amplified by the elderly who pitied her or commented that we were too hard on her or doing something wrong. Grrrr...
Wish I knew on the thumb-sucking too. J still sucks her thumb. Although only when she's tired/sleeping now. Her teeth are pulled out because of it, and her thumb is one big callous. She doesn't do the other manipulation though.
Kayla will do all that while with Rick. She had a good time at the Christmas program but since I asked her to ride home with him (because I was waiting for Jessica who'd been in the orchestra) she decided to create a scene once she was out of my sight and in sight of a whole group of gullible adults. She started the, "You're hurting my hand" in full whine and then threw herself down and acted like he'd knocked her over on purpose and so on. Honestly, you'd think she'd have figured out by now that all the gets her is a trip straight to bed once home while the others play. And yep, people need to let us parent. The kids could go up front for a Bible story with the pastor and we did not let the twins go up because that was just asking for all sorts of attention seeking behavior. Later a lady came up to Kayla and said, "Well, honey if I'd known you were too shy to go up there, I would have taken you." Excuse me? I don't even know this lady and who did she think we were? Hired daycare???? No to mention Kayla wouldn't get ready because she planned to make everyone late so she went as was in dirty play clothes and shoes while everyone else had on Christmas dresses or sweaters.
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